Don't Love Me Chap. 10

[kumo_is_kumo]

Title: Don’t Love Me

Pairing: Jongkey

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Smut, Drama, Angst, Historical

Length: Series

Summary: The feeling was forbidden between a Prince and a slave, yet no one could hold it back any longer.

Chapter 10



His lips felt like burnt. The spots where Jonghyun kissed him felt like burning. Every spots, every inch, everything felt burnt.

Kibum was desperate, yes, he admitted it.

The thoughts were flying over in his mind. He knew his feeling. His real feeling.

Everything felt like a dream. Never had in his life Kibum thought of having this kind of feeling. The feeling was overwhelming. It was everything that Kibum wanted. He would give up on everything just to have this feeling.

But he couldn’t.

Kibum just couldn’t admit this feeling. Not with himself as a slave. He knew where his place was, he understood where Jonghyun’s place was. And then, he never knew Jonghyun’s feeling.

The bags under his eyes grew more. The number of sleepless nights was increasing. Tears became more often to spill out.

Kibum felt like breaking in the inside.

The moment he realized his feeling, he knew it would be hard, but Kibum never had known that the feeling would like killing him like that. The word and the feeling were becoming harder to bear. He never knew this feeling would be this heavy to carry, not to mention it became a burden for him.

Around Jonghyun, he would blush more often, he would stutter more often, he would embarrass himself more often. Kibum wanted to stop acting like stupid but he felt like his energy left him the moment Jonghyun got around him.

It hurt, if you asked him. Kibum found himself staring more at the Prince’s retreating back, having this powerful urge to run there and hug him.

Idiot. Yes. Kibum thought the same.

He knew he was an idiot the moment he responded to every kisses that Jonghyun gave him. He knew he was an idiot the moment he responded to every warm hugs Jonghyun offered him. He knew that he was a clear idiot, wanting something that would never be his.

Could he feel this way?



***



“Kibum, you don’t seem well. You okay?”

Kibum nodded his head, forcing a smile on his lips while glancing at the worried Taemin. “I’m fine.”

“I’m not sure you are fine. You are more like a skull to me.”

Kibum’s lips twitched. When was the last time he smiled?

“That’s mean, Taemin-ah...” said someone from behind. Kibum turned around and found a smiling Jinki walking towards them. He smiled back, suddenly remembering their last encounter against each other, and how he cruelly broke the older man’s heart.

“But, hyungnim, you have to see Kibum’s face! He turned green already!”

Kibum chuckled at the words and playfully hit the youngest boy’s arm. “You are so mean to me!”

Taemin kept glancing at him in worry until Kibum reassured him that he was fine. Jinki sat on his left, sandwiching Kibum on the center between the Lee brothers.

“So, we are going to tell you something, Kibum-ah,” started Jinki and Kibum glanced at him. He felt Taemin’s tightening grip around his arm and how the youngest consciously shifted his head on Kibum’s shoulder. What was going on?

“What is it?”

“We are... leaving in two days.”

As if he wasn’t in his desperate state, Kibum felt like breaking more into pieces. He had grown fond with the Lee brothers and he couldn’t imagine how his life would be without the two of them. “L-Leaving? Where?”

“Home. We are going home, Kibum...” mumbled Taemin while snuggling onto his neck. Kibum stared blankly at his lap, mind replaying the latest statement.

“Why...?” was all Kibum could utter. He could feel Jinki and Taemin’s sympathetic stare at him and suddenly he felt like crying.

“We have been staying here for more than a month. Prince Minho has to go back to the kingdom and we have to go with him.”

Kibum stayed silent. He was glad that they didn’t urge him to respond to the painful information yet he was uncomfortable with all of this silence. His grip tightened and he felt Taemin’s hand gripped onto his. Once a hand was wiping his cheek, Kibum realized that a single tear had successfully escaped from his eyes.

He lifted his head and was greeted with both of them smiling sadly at him. “We won’t forget you. Don’t worry.”

His lips trembled, before finally his frozen face broke down. He let continuous tears ran down his face. Taemin sniffed until finally he couldn’t hold it anymore and embraced Kibum. Jinki sighed at the painful scene before enveloping both of them in his arms.

“You two are crybaby, really.”

Taemin ignored his brother’s remark, too busy to wet Kibum’s robe with his tears. Kibum bit down his lip, scolding himself for being so weak and cried in front of the youngest. He gripped onto Taemin’s hand, while his other hand was pulling Jinki closer.

“C-Can’t you two just stay here...?” asked he with cracked voice. Both of them stayed silent to the question. Kibum kept on asking the same question even though he already knew the answer.

Time passed without them saying a single word. Kibum closed his eyes, trying to stop his tears and finally it happened. He felt Taemin cuddled to his neck, still sniffing cutely and it pulled his lips into a smile. He glanced at the calm Jinki before Kibum hugged both of them close to him. “Let’s have fun.”

Taemin pulled away to stare at him, his nose red from all the crying. Kibum chuckled and gently pinched his red nose. “Let’s have fun before you two go back. Okay?”

Taemin forced a smile and nodded his head. “Yeah.”

Jinki smiled at him and ruffled his hair, mouthing a ‘thank you’ to Kibum. He shook his head and stood up, pulling the both of them with him.



***



Days passed too quickly much to Kibum’s dismay. He glanced outside of the window, staring at the lackeys preparing the horses and the carriage. Tomorrow, thought Kibum before he sighed heavily.

Tonight would be the goodbye party for the Choi. Everyone was busy preparing the party, preparing the dishes and servings. And Kibum? He could only stay in his room, ignoring everyone and sadly staring at nothing in particular.

His shoulder felt so heavy and his brain was so full.

A sudden knock on the door startled Kibum and he confusedly walked over to the door. “Yes?”

There stood his favorite boy ever, Taemin.

“Hey, Kibum.”

“Taemin? What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in? I need to talk to you about something,” said Taemin while biting his lip nervously. Kibum nodded his head and let the youngest entered his room. Taemin sent him a quick smile before hugging him. Startled, Kibum stared down at the slightly shorter boy and frowned.

“What’s wrong, Taemin-ah?”

“There’s something... that I have to tell you. And I’m sure that you would like to hear it.”



***



The party started with the King’s speech, holding a glass of red wine and everyone was paying attention to him. Kibum sat silently at the corner of the room, eyes staring blankly at the shining floor.

Taemin was just telling him something so important... yet he felt like couldn’t understand every single word of what he just said. Everything was just way so confusing and Kibum didn’t know what to do.

A slight nudge on his arm woke Kibum up from his deep thought. He found a frowning Jonghyun staring at him. “Kibum? You okay?”

Kibum stared and stared at him, not giving him an answer. Jonghyun confusedly stared back at him, a frown clear on his face. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

He felt weak. He felt like crying.

Just... please stop showing that concerned face to me.

“Kibum?”

“I-I’m fine...”

“Are you sure? You want to go back to your room?”

“No...” said Kibum while gripping onto the hem of his robe. Jonghyun sighed at the weird behavior of Kibum and decided to sit beside him. “You know... you acted so weird for these few days. Something’s wrong, right? Would you like to tell me?”

Kibum tensed at the question. His fists tightened and he bent down his head. “No. Nothing’s wrong. Prince,” answered Kibum, remembering himself that the person beside him was a Prince.



***



Jonghyun swore Kibum was acting so weird. He didn’t seem like himself. The cheerful and adorable Kibum was gone. He didn’t know what was going on with him.

So, instead of thinking about it and Jonghyun didn’t find any answer, he let himself being drowned with alcohol by drinking glasses to glasses of wine. Minho frowned at him and decided to stop him from drinking any further.

“Hyungnim, what is wrong with you?”

“Let go, Minho.”

“Not before you tell me what’s wrong.”

Jonghyun sighed. This kid was so determined to know and he couldn’t do anything about it. He glanced at Kibum on the other side of the room, who was talking and forcing a smile to Jinki and Taemin.

“I don’t know, Minho. I don’t know.”

“What do you mean with you don’t know?”

“Kibum, he... he was so weird. I don’t know what’s going on with him. He didn’t want to talk to me.”

“Have you talked about it with him?”

“I tried, Minho. But he just said ‘nothing’. What do you expect me to do? Force him to spill the beans?”


“How do you feel about this?”

At that, Jonghyun stopped staring at Kibum and glanced at Minho. “What do you mean?”

“How do you feel... when Kibum acts like this?”

“I...”

Jonghyun stared at the remaining wine inside his glass and frowned. “I... don’t—”

“You understand my question, hyungnim,” demanded Minho.

“It... hurts. Kibum acting all like this, it brings a weird pain to me.”

Minho stared at him, hand rubbing onto Jonghyun’s arm to urge him to talk more. “I don’t know, Minho. I don’t understand this... What is it? Can you tell me? Kibum is practically ignoring me and I feel like I’m losing my mind—”

“Hyungnim,” cut Minho. Jonghyun stopped rubbing his face and hair harshly and stared at Minho questioningly.

“Do you, by any chance, like Kibum?” asked Minho carefully. Jonghyun stared at him, mind blurred from all the alcohol. “Yeah, of course...”

“No. What I mean is... like ‘like’?”

Jonghyun frowned and took the wine glass, drinking the remaining liquid harshly. He slammed the glass back to the table and sighed. “Minho, what are you talking about?!”

“Do you ‘like’ him? Do you have a feeling for him?”

Jonghyun groaned and rubbed his face again, felt pressured by the hard question. “I...”



***



“Kibum,” called the King. Kibum stopped talking to Taemin and quickly ran towards the King. “Yes, Your Highness?”

“Could you bring Jonghyun back to his room? My son is a bit tipsy already,” said the King with a laugh. Kibum glanced at the drunken Prince, head propped against the table with the wine glass still in his hand. Kibum gulped down his saliva before obediently saying yes to the King’s request.

He walked towards where Jonghyun was, feeling Minho’s piercing stare at him. He decided to ignore the stare and gently lifted the Prince’s arm. “Prince, let’s go back.”

Jonghyun murmured something incoherent and let Kibum wrapped his arms around him. Kibum propped him by putting Jonghyun’s arm around his shoulder, pulling him to walk away from the party hall. He sent Jinki and Taemin an apologize smile and the two shook their heads on him, telling him that it was fine.

The walk from the hall to the Prince’s room was so silent, until Kibum could hear his own breathing. He felt Jonghyun snuggled to his neck and it sent a shiver down his spine.

“Hey, Kibum,” slurred Jonghyun and it startled Kibum.

“Y-Yes?”

“What... is... going on... with you?”

Kibum tensed and he glanced away from the Prince. “It’s nothing, Prince. Don’t worry about that...”

“...you lie.”

Kibum helped him to lie down on the bed once they arrived at the dark room. Jonghyun gripped onto his wrist once he felt Kibum was about to leave him. “No. Stay. With me.”

“But—”

Jonghyun ignored his protest and pulled him down, face flushed against his chest. “Kibum, please... I beg you... Tell me what is going on.”

Kibum bit his lower lip and sighed. “It’s nothing big, Prince. You really don’t have to worry about it—”

“Then why are you ignoring me?”

“I’m not—”

“Yes, you are, Kibum!” snapped Jonghyun. His face contorted in a very sad expression and Kibum felt his heart broke by seeing it. He tried to say something by opening his mouth, but nothing. He could find nothing to say. He did not know what to say.

“Kibum, it hurts... It hurts so much.”

Where? Where was it that the Prince felt hurt? Kibum started to panic.

“W-Where?”

“Here,” said Jonghyun, grabbing Kibum’s hand and put it against his chest. He stared up at Kibum’s feline eyes, with a stare that was full of every emotion. Kibum felt his chest churned in a weird painful twist before he shakily gripped onto Jonghyun’s dress shirt. He glanced away from Jonghyun’s questioning stare, eyes felt like burning from the unshed tears.

“Please, Kibum! Just tell me! Tell me and—”

“I can’t.”

“...what?” whispered Jonghyun, as if afraid that he would disturb the painful silence. Kibum shook his head before his teeth found their way to bite down on his lip. “I... can’t...”

“Why...?” asked Jonghyun and Kibum felt like crying from the desperate tone in his voice. “Are you going to torture me, Kibum...? You want to kill me?”

A single tear dropped down his cheek. Jonghyun’s words were so awfully piercing his heart and the feeling behind those words... he didn’t want to understand it.

The second drop of his tears rolled down, hitting the fabric of Jonghyun’s dress shirt and made a damp spot there. The third drop followed soon after and Kibum found himself having no more control of his body.

“...why are you crying?” asked Jonghyun, his thumbs wiping the wet tears away. Kibum’s body shook from holding in his sobbing, before he felt a warm hand holding the top of his head and pulled him close to the warm chest.

“I’m sorry... I’m so sorry...” mumbled Kibum against his chest. He felt Jonghyun rolled them around and he found himself trapped under the Prince. Jonghyun had this sad smile on his face while he kept on wiping the fresh tears away. “Why are you saying sorry? This is my fault.”

“H-How could it be your fault...”

“I made you cry, didn’t I?”

“But—”

Kibum was cut by a very soft kiss on his trembled lips. His heart thumped so fast again, so fast that he was afraid it would jump out from his chest. He opened his wet eyes, only to find a smiling Jonghyun staring at him.

Could he at least enjoy this just for this time? Could Kibum be selfish just for once?

Yes. I will be a selfish person just for this time.

And he replied Jonghyun’s embrace. So tight, so close, not really paying attention that Jonghyun had found his way to shower him with kisses along his neck.

Kibum decided to be selfish just for tonight, welcoming Jonghyun’s eager touches and kisses along his body.

Yes. I’m selfish, right?









***








A/N: Surprise update! Hahaha! :D So, umm... hello? Lol, okay! SO, I decided to update a day faster than my usual schedule since... well, I have a lot to say actually but I don't know how to start xD
Well, I will be very busy tomorrow so I wouldn't be able to update. I thought the faster will be better so ta-da! This chapter came out. lol I'm so weird, right?

So! Bummie is so selfish, don't you think so? I think he is not. lol xD Make me happy when I log in again with seeing your comments, guys! I'll be dancing like crazy then <3

Then, until next time!^^